Who am I Supposed to Be
by SigSig
Summary: Arbitro reflects on the one who made it past the other countless candidates to become his cherished pet.


Not all of them had been quite this easy.

As the drug lord passed his fingers through the silken white hair of the man – dog, rather – curled up at his side, he reflected on a time when this fantasy seemed like a near-impossibility. Kau was like an anomaly; the one attempt after many failed experiments that finally yielded the desired results. He would have never thought it was possible to live so comfortably like this without having to constantly inflict punishments on a misbehaving pet.

Kau was perfect, though. Maybe not initially, but he had come to him with the beginnings of something great that the others had not shown:

Obedience, understanding, and submissiveness.

* * *

The man shied away at the very sound of the cracking whip, huddling blind and scared in the nearest corner he could find. Arbitro took his time; better to let the fear set in, to make them learn. This was probably number ten, if he was remembering correctly. The collection in the holding cells were starting to thin, so if he didn't find the perfect pet soon, he would have to have the Executioners go out and retrieve him more.

This man was one who had failed in the game. Instead of killing him, he was brought back, unaware of what intentions the drug lord had for him back at his castle. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be good, though. There were no rewards for losing. Every man brought back to this place was young, attractive, and shaking in fear at the common knowledge of Arbitro's preferences.

What they received was probably worse than what they were expecting in the long run. What they were expecting was still far more than what they deserved, though. Simple death was enough, but each of them was giving the precious chance to continue living – at the reasonable cost of becoming his obedient pet.

Some followed along – at first. Like this bound man, who was now throwing himself pitifully against the wall, yelling worthlessly as if someone were actually going to come assist him. No one would help such a pitiful, disobeying dog. While those like him had been obedient to him at first, it must have been the reality of their situation that sunk in and made them start to reject it.

"I don't understand," he'd said, tapping the end of his whip against his arm. "I'm offering you a chance to live, you know. Why don't you just be grateful and take it? Where's the sense in that? You know that if you don't, you're just going to die. That's what losing in Igra gets you to begin with."

The man, chiseled, attractive, let himself collapse limply as he sat crumpled up against the cold stone wall. There was still blood fresh on his face, his eye sockets still bleeding occasionally without proper treatment. Weakly, he smirked.

"Is that all? I get a consolation prize?" he laughed, spiteful. "You know what's worse than losing?" He paused. "Not coming in first."

He must not have been expecting the shoe that jabbed sharply into his stomach. It cut him off from whatever else he had to say and he gagged, doubling over, attempting to hold back the vomit that rose to his throat.

"Enough." The whip was dropped and left and the man could hear something sharp being draw; the familiar _shhhhnk_ of a blade being removed from where it was kept. He backed up farther if possible, knowing that this may as well be the end because there wasn't any much lower to go. Except Arbitro knew there could be lower and he would show it to him.

Without the use of his hands, tied behind him, he had no way to keep him away as his gloved fingers closed around his throat. With Arbitro's other hand pressed bruisingly firm against his shoulder, he felt the tip of the blade sink into his throat.

This attempt was an utter failure. A man could never become his dog if he still retained what made him conscious of his humanity. He got a little careless with this one anyway. The blade went too deep and he got carried away and ended up pulling out more than he originally intended to.

No matter.

Word began to spread around the cell, apparently. Word was, the men who went to Arbitro ended up blind, if not also mute. Then, ultimately, they were killed because none of them had ever seen any of them return. The cells were replenished with new subjects, destined for the same fates. When some began to attempt suicide before reaching him, they were bound and beaten and isolated from the others.

Maybe it was time and the series of consequences that had led Kau to him. He wasn't what Arbitro had been expecting when he ordered one of his assistants to bring a new one to him. This time, he wanted to try a new approach; perhaps test his subject's use as a plaything before proceeding with their conversion.

The one they brought to him was just a boy, though. He looked younger than the others with a slim, delicate build. His skin was pale and flawless. Looking like that, it was obvious how unfit and unprepared he was to participate in Igra. Like the others, he was brought in blindfolded with his arms tied up behind him. The guard dropped him and left with a curt nod, closing the door behind him.

For a moment, Arbitro sat silently behind his desk just to appreciate the sight of the magnificent, unclothed body before him. He didn't have to know anything about a subject's disposition in order to enjoy that much about them. After nearly five minutes of simply sitting quietly in front of his desk, the boy's shoulders began to quake and he bowed his head.

"You know what I want, don't you?" he asked at last.

The boy raised his head and nodded.

He smirked and breathed a pleased sigh through his nose. It was almost a treat to have a subject put before him who didn't instantly struggle and scream. He stood from his desk and circled around to lean against the front of it, regarding the boy before him with a downcast gaze.

"Are you sure you understand? I want a pet; an obedient dog who will obey every word I say without question. Of course, you aren't without reward if you choose to accept this. You'll get to live. And if you don't…"

"I understand."

Unexpected, to say the least.

At Arbitro's silence, he stuttered and tried to explain. "Please, I… I'll do anything you want. Anything. I-I'll be the best dog for you, just. Just please, I'll do anything as long as you don't send me back there…! Kill me if you have to!"

"There?"

The boy stammered again, his pink lips quivering. And now that Arbitro was closer, he realized that the low light of his office had been hiding the bruises at the corners of his mouth and saw the bite marks that were revealed along his neck when he raised his head.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

Whimpering, the boy folded over himself and pressed his head to his knees.

When he received no answer, Arbitro leaned down and grabbed him roughly by the jaw and hauled him up onto his feet. His legs wobbled and it seemed to take him some real concentration not to sway and fall.

He asked him again, voice louder. "Say what they did. Tell me. Give me every detail."

The boy choked on a sob and a few tears slid down from underneath the blindfold around his eyes.

"If you want to be my dog, then this is the least you could do. You know I could demand much worse of you. Tell me what they did."

"They use me," he said in a breathless rush of words. He bit down hard on his lip, like it was physically painful for him to continue, but he knew that Arbitro was expecting him to say more. "They used me and I couldn't stop them. I… I tried at first. But a lot of them are still bigger than me and they use their size against me. T-they make me suck them and they use me whenever the guards aren't looking – sometimes when they _are_ just for the hell of it. And they laugh. And I… It's been like this for a while. I…"

The hand that was against his jaw had slowly taken to rubbing at the soft hair on the back of his neck. "Well? There's more, isn't there? I know you have something else to say."

His reply was just a whisper, but Arbitro could hear. He smirked, his interest in this one growing exponentially. "What was that?" he asked. "Speak a little louder."

"I… I enjoyed it! I didn't want to. I thought there was something wrong with me, but. I… Th-that's just normal, isn't it?" His voice was nearing the brink of hysterics, an awkwardly placed smile stretching over his tear-stained lips.

Arbitro nodded even though the other wouldn't be able to see it through the blindfold and he moved to start clearing some things off his desk. "Of course that's normal," he said assuringly. "It's only natural for a dog to want to please." His heart was hammering in his chest, the knowledge that what he wanted could possibly so obtainable and within reach that it was almost hard to think straight. It was like all the ingredients were assembled and he just had to follow the recipe.

Break him – first step complete. All that was left was to claim him and make it impossible for him to run away; to make him loyal.

He put the rest of his things carefully into his desk drawers and sat himself up on the surface, leaning forward enough to grab the boy's waist and pull him toward him.

"You sound like you'd be a very nice pet. You're doing a good job of convincing me so far. It sounds like you're very eager to please." He traced his bottom lip with one of his gloved fingers. "That's a prime quality in a pet."

"...I didn't want it though," he replied quietly, tilting his head away. "I didn't have any reason to be obedient to them. They don't own me."

His heart may as well have stopped there. Was this some strange courting dance? He was practically being invited to make him his slave for eternity with only one condition that was easier to fill than breathing air. _Of course_ he wouldn't send him back to the cells. This kid had to be naïve to think he'd do that before killing him if he proved to be useless. It was a little odd to be on the other side of the deal-making, but he wasn't about to argue with an opportunity.

"I wouldn't hurt you the way they did," he promised, reaching out to stroke the boy's cheek with his fingers. "Pets are meant to be loved and lavished with special treatment. Once I transform you into my dog, then you will never have to worry about yourself ever again. You will always be under my care."

Silence followed his words and was at once broken by the sobs that tore from the boy's throat. His entire body shook with his tremendous outpouring of emotion and he collapsed forward into Arbitro's embrace, burying his face in his shoulder.

Arbitro held his shoulders and wondered distantly if the boy could feel the way that his heart was pounding. It felt so hard that he imagined everyone could hear it.

The boy backed up after a moment, still beautiful even as he sniffled and tried to collect the fragments of his shattered composure. He breathed slowly and then spoke with slight hesitation. "I saw some of them... The ones that you had taken in before to test." It seemed that he was struggling to decide whether he should continue. He did, inevitably. "They had their eyes removed and they couldn't speak anymore. May I... say some things before you do that to me?"

Strange. Arbitro had never really thought about that. He had become so used to hearing the pleas and lifestories from his previous attempts at pets that he almost thought of it as a forgone conclusion that they were going to say whatever the hell they wanted to. The fact that this one was so polite to ask first was beyond his expectations.

Did he really want to hear what his pet had to say, though? It was a strange concept. Pets couldn't speak.

This one was so different, though. It was impossible to resist his own curiosity when he asked him so nicely like that.

"Go ahead," he said.

"Can you take the blindfold off me for a little while first? I want to memorize what you look like."

Amazing. He did as he asked, reaching behind him to untie the black material, letting it flutter delicately to the floor when it came undone. The boy blinked a few times after it was removed to acclimate to the light of the room and then took his time scanning his body up and down with his eyes.

"You're handsome," he determined, a weak smile crossing his lips. His eyes flitted to the side and back at him constantly, as if embarrassed to continue looking once he made that admission. "Your clothes, though... Do you always dress like that?" he asked, trying to sound innocent. "Just for the sake of the future. So I can always imagine what you're wearing."

Arbitro felt the corner of his right eye twitch at that last comment. Perhaps he couldn't be perfect in all ways... But he answered regardless.

"More or less. The mask is for the sake of this game we play and I always fancy a fine suit."

He nodded understandingly. He looked down at himself, as if to memorize every inch of his own body, then nodded once more. "Okay. One final thing. Two more, kind of."

"Go on..."

"I won't struggle when you do it, so you won't have to use any force with me. U-unless I start to struggle when it hurts. That probably can't be avoided. Also, I'm sorry that I was bad at the game. I gave it my best but I was terrible." He looked a little disappointed in himself, but it sounded like he never expected to be good at it to start with. Then again, that didn't surprise Arbitro. Based on looks alone, he never would have thought he was fit for it.

"Everyone finds their place in Igra. Some may become victors and many others will die trying. However, for you, there is this unique third option, a place outside of the game as an observer at my side."

"Last thing... I know I won't ever get a chance to say it in the future, so I'll say it now." The boy held his shoulders up straighter and smiled. "Thank you. Remember the sound of my voice as I say it. Thank you. I have reason enough to say it now, but there will be other times in the future, I'm sure. So thank you. Thank you."

* * *

After that, he didn't speak another word. He didn't even scream or cry. When Arbitro finally emerged from his room with a bloody knife in hand, there was nothing but surprise in his faces of his servants when he requested towels for "Kau".

Dogs aren't supposed to have voices, nor words with which to express their feelings. All of their responses are communicated through their actions.

And yet somehow, even after he removed his eyes, marked him, cut out his vocal cords, whenever Kau lay quietly in his lap with his head pillowed on his knee, a gentle smile gracing his delicate features, Arbitro felt as though he could hear his voice whispering softly, appreciatively to him, _"Thank you."_


End file.
